Shine bright like a diamond. What a powerful statement to make about marriage. I reflected on my time when I worked at a local jewelry store back home in Chattanooga and took what I learned about diamonds to write this article.
If you don’t know much about diamonds and the process they go through to become the beautiful piece of jewelry that women love to receive any day of the year it is quite extraordinary. You see, the journey of a diamond is a long and complex process. Diamonds are formed deep inside the Earth, they are mined and sorted, they are polished and cut, they are delivered to labs for grading and then finally, they are sold to jewelry stores around the world. The key point that I want to pull though is how they are formed, they aren’t just formed from an easy 123 process, they form under extreme temperatures and pressures, kind of like marriage. Marriage, just like a diamond, is made from a complex process. First you start as that single man or woman, then you go through the whole crazy courting stage once you meet someone special. Everything appears to be shiny, new, enticing, and that person can do no wrong. Then you realize that you are falling in love and want to make a lifelong commitment, so you decide to put a ring on it and say I do. There it is just like a diamond, bright, shiny, without blemishes, chips, or broken prongs. However, not long after the wedding, life begins to take a toll and you begin to see what once was bright sparkling love begins to become tarnished, dull, and endures a few broken or lose pieces you know you must take it to have it repaired so whom do you take it to??? Well, when it comes to an investment like the diamond having the issues of being tarnished, dull, and a few broken or lose pieces the only person you take a diamond to is a jeweler, someone who is an expert in their field and if you want to really get technical you may even want to find someone who is a gemologist that has studied jewelry and the specifics of how they are created they are the best in the business. So why would we choose to do anything different for our marriages? Why do we take our investment to a mom and pop fixer upper than to take them to the master fixer, God? I will choose to say because we don’t cherish marriage, our investment, as we should but we should. Marriage is something that should shine bright like a diamond for the world to see no matter the extreme temperatures and pressures it faces. When it doesn’t shine bright, we need to find time to take it to the master jeweler; let him put it under the microscope to check for any issues that may need repair, place it in the sonic machine of his love and heat to remove any impurities. When it's done, watch it come out SHINING BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND! Your marriage is the best investment you can ever make and it is something that will return more than you will ever imagine.
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How ironic is it that as I sit here, and I am writing my article for the month of March that I find out that March just so happens to be the month of the World day of Prayer? My heart was sold on writing about Prayer in our marriages; the Lord sure has a sense of humor sometimes when he reveals things to me and gives me direction for what I am to write for that month.
This month I felt it so heavy that I needed to write on the power of prayer in our marriages because the enemy is seeking out marriages and wants to destroy them! Instead of us celebrating being one in our marriages, he would love to make you see that being single and apart is so much better. If you've been dealing with challenging issues in your marriage for a while, it may seem like your relationship will never change. But don't let your frustration get the best of you. While you and your spouse's own efforts to change may fail, God will change your marriage if you pray. Prayer has the power to accomplish what nothing else can. I am not saying I see prayer as a magic pill, and it’s certainly not a demand, but when we yield our hearts to the Lord in prayer, when we are open and vulnerable, He begins to change us. And when we begin to change — whether it’s our attitudes, our actions, or our outlooks — our circumstances also begin to change. Ask yourself? When was the last time that you took your spouse's hand and you guys prayed together? Prayed for protection over your home, your children, your jobs and if it has been a while, I would start today because your marriage needs covering! I know every morning before my husband goes to work he comes in and kneels by the bed and prays for our unborn son and our home and I believe it is something that sets my day in motion and puts angels in charge over me and it is so reassuring to know that my partner loves me enough to stop his day to care for my spiritual needs and well-being. It is time we need to put prayer back in our homes. Why? It is simple, Because marriage matters! Well the holidays have come and gone; I bet everyone is sitting full of all the turkey and stuffing you could eat while the bank account is as skinny as you plan on being in the upcoming new year while committing to the most popular New Year’s Resolution there is: that brand new shiny gym membership! I am sure I will be right there along with you as I try to prepare to commit to getting healthier before the birth of my baby boy.
While you are starting that challenge, I want to challenge you and your spouse this month to a different kind of New Year’s Resolution. One that involves your life partner and the weight lifting team that you two are and if you are not than that the team you can become. As December has end and January has made its wonderful arrival, when you find yourself reflecting on the last year, I want you to really stop and think, what are some things you see that you wish could change especially in your marriage? Do you possibly see one of you bearing the weight of the marriage more so than the other? How about your daily routines? Are you spending more time together or more time apart? I know for myself I reflect and admit there are some things I know need to work on. One of my New Year’s resolutions is to spend more time at home with my husband making sure he is taken care of vs working the 9-whenever I am ready to go home schedule trying to ensure that my bosses are happy and that the corporate office is well pleased. If I want to look at the biblical side of it, I know in my heart I am prioritizing my life in the wrong order and God is not pleased with me. You see, work should never come before God, My Husband, and my future child. Maybe for you it’s not work; maybe it’s something different that you are more committed to. Maybe for you its spending countless hours pumping iron at the gym working on your physical physique trying to impress everyone around you while the one person who loves you more than life itself and tries to impress you every day is home changing diapers, cleaning house, cooking, cleaning, etc and you haven’t even taken the time to notice (yeah I said it). instead of neglecting that person, if the gym is so important to you, how about asking that person along; it may mean more to them then you know. You might help them lift a load you didn’t realize they were carrying. There is a saying “Good Things Come to Those Who Lift Weights”; in this case you lift the weight off a loved one and I am sure nothing but good will come out of it! In closing I wish you and your loved ones the best in this new year and just remember the best time to start writing the first blank page of a 365-page book is today! Back in the 80's Mariah Carey, once known as the pop princess, wrote a catchy song for the holiday's that has become a song that we all love, sing, dance, and shop to. "I don't want a lot for Christmas. There is just one thing I need. I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree. I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know. Make my wish come true. All I want for Christmas is you."
I know my articles are usually geared toward married couples, but this being the month of December and knowing the Christmas holiday is quickly approaching, my heart was drawn to write to not only married couples but to include other groups of people who are usually forgotten around this time of year: the couples who aren't married yet and the single people. To my married couples, don't stop reading just yet; there is something for you in here as well. I promise! Ok singles, now that I've got that catchy song playing in your head, I know you are asking where is my special Christmas gift? Where is my Boaz or Ruth? Or you're off in your own little world dreaming of the day that long awaited engagement will happen, or better yet envisioning someone special to kiss under the mistletoe. I want you to know from personal experience that this time year I know you are quietly struggling in your current relationship status. You go to office parties and you feel left out, you go to church and you feel unnoticed or alone because everyone seems "coupled up" or low and behold you go on Facebook or other social media sites and engagements seem to be happening all around you! You can't seem to catch a break and without even realizing it you soon find yourself fighting a spirit of loneliness and discouragement. Be encouraged. You may not realize it but your singleness is a gift from God. To my married couples, maybe you aren't singing those lyrics in the single state, praying for your Boaz or Ruth to make their entrance, but you are singing it from a place of wanting the gift of time and love to be restored. Truth be known, life has taken a toll on your marriage and you find yourself worn out from long hours at work, screaming children (whom you love dearly), sports, outside family, and ministry demands. For the holidays, all you want is a renewed passion and love with your spouse; you just want them and the gift of time together. In closing, whether it is singleness or marriage, we should receive our situation in life as a gift of God's grace to us. If we really think about it more than anything all we should really want for Christmas is the gift that has already been given: God's unchanging mercy, love, and grace. He is the ultimate gift giver! (John 3:16) "Ever good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." James 1:17
November is the month of Thanksgiving. When we think of November, we immediately think of turkey, dressing, cranberry sauce, pies, etc.: but today, I want us to take the month of Thanksgiving to another level. I want us to think of the month of November as not only the month of Thanksgiving and food but also the month that we reflect on being thankful for those things that God has blessed us with, one thing being our spouse. How many times have people walked up to you and asked you so what is it about your spouse that you are most thankful for? Sometimes it may take a bit to respond or you use some off-the-wall answer. Let's be honest, if you are catching them after an intense moment of fellowship it can be quite difficult. You don't seem so quick to focus on their great qualities at that specific moment. I want to challenge you over the next few months to take some time and write down five things that you are most thankful for in your spouse and then take that challenge on step further. I want you on Thanksgiving morning to have a card with those 5 things listed and give it to them as they are preparing the big feast or as you gather around the dinner table. It's like Christmas in November! You may think this challenge is childish, but I believe it will be an eye opener for some couples that have forgotten how to be thankful for each other. You may never know just how far a word of gratitude and thanks will go, especially when food is involved. My husband and I would like to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving from our home to yours! What’s yours is mine, What’s mine is....?????? This phrase is used all the time when I hear people discussing items and who they belong to in marriage and trust me I have heard it ended many, many, ways but what is the correct way?
My husband, being the jokester he is, loves quite often to joke around with me and say “What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine” and I have to so politely disagree, shake my head, roll my eyes, giggle, and well respond with “Nope, honey what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine!” But, am I right or am I wrong? If I went by how I was raised and the example that was set before me, I would say I am 100% correct. I’ll use this example. While growing up my dad worked a full-time job and when he would come home on Friday, the first thing he would do would is sign his paycheck over to my mom. He never worried with the bills or anything else financial related, he just knew mom was taking care of everything and she did faithfully. Now I love my parents very much and they have a great marriage. This is the way things work for them, however I am learning that it’s not the way it works in our marriage. Different marriages run different ways. Being a newlywed, one of the adjustments I am having to make is my stance on the what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours concept. Here is why: before I met my husband, I lived alone since I was in my early 30’s. I had my own place, earned my own money, came and went as I pleased, and well what was mine was truly mine. In a matter of a few months I had to switch from that mentality to learning how to share, and that hasn’t been easy and I mean that with all sincerity. I can be quite selfish. God is teaching me in this season of marriage selfishness has no place. When you get married, you, as husband and wife lose your individual identity and become one. The word “I” is dropped from your vocabulary and replaced with “we”. Not “my” but “our”. So today it hit me out of nowhere; all along both the ways that this sentence has been said is wrong. If you really think about it we have left out one main factor of the equation and that is God. God is the source of everything I have, Everything my husband has, and everything we have together; it is all his! wow. Think about it; if God isn’t in everything we have as a unit, we have nothing, I have nothing, you have nothing; We are broke! Bankrupt. So in closing, the next time your husband or wife comes in and they ramble off the words, "What’s yours is mine, what’s mine is mine, " you remind them of this article. Nope, What’s mine is yours, What’s yours is mine, and what’s ours is His!" Oh be careful little eyes what you see, Oh be careful little eyes what you see, For the Father up above is looking down in love Oh be careful little eyes what you see. This very song was the inspiration for this article. To be honest, this is probably one of the most difficult ones I have written thus far. For several years, ladies close to me have admitted that at some point in their marriage their husbands struggled with and/or was addicted to porn and described the hurt and betrayal they felt. Some even got to the point that divorce was their only option. Now before you even ask, I am not writing from something I haven't experienced. I was with someone who was addicted and sat in the church with me. Before meeting my husband, I dated a guy who was extremely addicted to porn. Taking every avenue, he attempted to fulfill his flesh, even dating multiple ladies. Desiring to be married, I questioned how I would ever live up to a man's expectation, especially if those portrayed in porn were what they all wanted? How I could ever fulfill my future husband's sexual desires? The enemy had me believing that I would not ever accomplish it and that I would always fail at relationships and marriage. I eventually ended that relationship. Today, I want to confront a very serious issue that is affecting marriages and destroying families! I am not even calling it an issue, it's a spirit, one that is deceitful and wreaking havoc across the world. It's pornography. Yes, I said it, pornography! Pornography is not just magazines or pictures. It can appear in many forms; cybersex, phone sex, strip clubs, and now rearing its ugly head in the teen world as sexting. Oh and ladies you aren't excluded. I am also going to address that little book you have been reading that you feel is harmless- you know, that favorite romance novel hidden in your nightstand beside your bed. The one that takes you into a fantasy world of love and romance and when your spouse doesn't live up to that expectation you become angry and attack him. Or, you find yourself in a "spider web" of trouble such as an emotional or physical affair trying to find fleshly satisfaction. The spirit of romance that these books and shows like "50 shades of Grey" and "Magic Mike" portrays to you is a lie of the enemy and we must remove these things from our lives and our marriages now! I want to challenge you to begin to guard and protect the most precious things in your lives-you marriage, your children, and your future children and grandchildren. Take control of this addiction right now once and for all. If you are struggling and want to know how to start being free, start with setting boundaries in your homes, in your workplaces, on social media, and be accountable to each other. Find a brother or sister in Christ that you can talk to. A great scripture to start with is Ephesians 6:11-17. How many times have we heard the phrase "If I ain't happy, ain't nobody gonna be happy!" I have heard it quite a few times in my life but really never looked at it in any specific way until today when I was looking for a topic to write about to encourage married couples.
I reflected and thought about how many times we have said this in our marriages. How often do we base our happiness upon our spouse and what they do or don't do for us? Today I want to bring revelation to a phrase, If I ain't happy, ain't nobody happy! Happiness in marriage is not about your happiness: It's about each other's happiness. If neither party is happy and are constantly in discord, God isn't happy. Marriage is a precious gift and an amazing blessing. It's a scared vow between a man and woman. Whether you are newly married or you have been married for fifty years, you know that married life is not always going to be a fairy tale: It's not always "happily ever after." When a couple is basing their happiness on each other's contribution to the marriage and neither party feels fulfilled, sometimes it's very easy to focus on what's wrong instead of stopping to listen to God and asking Him for guidance. Ephesians 5:25-30 says, "Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church-for we are members of his body" (NIV) Men, when you show your wife that she and your marriage together are priorities in life, you will se a new joy well up inside her. If you want to see your wife happy, commit to serving her, helping her, respecting her, and most of all encouraging her. Ladies, when you show your husband that he and your marriage together are priorities in your life, you will see a new joy well up inside him. If you want to see your husband happy, commit to serving him, helping him, respecting him, and most of all encouraging him. Heavenly father, we thank You for the love You have implanted in our hearts. May it always inspire us to be kind in our words, considerate of feelings, and concerned for each other's needs and wishes. Father, help us to be understanding and forgiving of each other's weaknesses and failures. Increase our faith and trust in You and may You always guide our lives with love. Bless our marriage with peace and happiness, and make our love fruitful for Your glory and our joy both here and in eternity. In Jesus name we pray, amen! Recently I was ask to write an article for a Christian magazine back home and I began to ask the Holy Spirit, "What would you have me to say? Father, do you have something on Your heart that You need me to share?" And He spoke to my spirit and said, "I do". I believe that I am writing this article tonight by His leading, and my prayer is that it speaks to you. I believe its purpose is to speak to couples who are struggling to understand the true meaning of the two powerful words, "I Do," and need encouragement to trust God no matter what their marriage is facing right now.
Marriage isn't for the faint at heart and it isn't always pretty. There is a reason that "for richer or poorer" and "in sickness and in health" are part of the vows. First Corinthians 13: 4-7 tells us that: Love is patient, Love is kind. Love does not boast. Love is not proud. Love does not dishonor others. Love is not self-seeking. Love is not easily angered. Love keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil. Love rejoices with the truth. Love always protects. Love always trusts. Love always hopes. Love always perseveres. I want you to close your eyes for a moment. Imagine when you saw your spouse for the very first time. What did he or she look like? Can you remember the smell or was it a captivating smile, a contagious laugh, or a heart to serve others? What was it that made that person so special that it made you want to hurry up to say, "I do?" Now open your eyes back up and look at your life partner. That person next to you is someone who chose to be with you. Yes, sometimes he or she may not do everything just right, they leave clothes in the floor, dirty dishes in the sink, the toilet seat up, but when the bank says you have no money, when the doctors have given you a bad report, when everyone else walks out on you, that person will still be there and still be saying I do! When was the last time you thanked your spouse for sharing life with you? Today, if both of you are weary and tired and wondering why you ever said I do, I want to challenge you to spend some time reminding each other of the things that made you fall in love. Put your phone down in the evenings, get off social media, take a walk down memory lane, talk about fun times you remember while dating, cook a meal together, do something to reignite that fire, and who knows, you just might make some new memories along the way and recommit to "I do"-not just I do till tomorrow, not just I do sometimes, I do all the time! |
AuthorMy Name is Laura Perdue. I am 44 years old and married to my best friend, Brian Perdue and mommy to Carston Perdue. Brian and I reside in Woodstock Ga and serve on the action team of Fivestones Church in Holly Springs. Archives
July 2022
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