Even though…….God says…I am
Psalms 16: 5-8 You, Lord, are all I have, and you give me all I need; my future is in your hands. How wonderful are your gifts to me; how good they are! I praise the Lord, because he guides me, and in the night my conscience warns me. I am always aware of the Lord's presence; he is near, and nothing can shake me. September 1, 2021, I embarked on a 21-day fast to prepare for Women of Fire. A life-changing and empowering conference that would be held at my old home church in Chattanooga, TN. This was an event that I had looked forward to for many months, the theme, TSUNAMI. My former women’s Pastor Deven called all the ladies that would be in attendance to fast to prepare for what God was going to do and I immediately felt a check in my spirit that this was for me. The first couple of days of the fast was easy for me and I thought this will be good but that didn’t last very long. Three days in here came the distractions/opposition/warfare (should have expected it right). Anytime you set aside time to spend with God, get in the word/His Presence, it will not be easy because you just made the enemy mad! During the fast several things happened. I had made a very difficult decision to step away from a part-time job that I felt that God had opened the door for me. The position looked very promising however once I got in there things changed drastically and just did not line up with what I thought/believed it would be. The role was a lot more complex than I could grasp hold of, the demands that were placed on me were not anything I could complete in the hours that I was available, at one point it became so toxic that it was discussed with me that it was the owners way of doing things or the highway. It was just not a healthy environment for me to continue to be in. Monday, before I was to leave for Chattanooga, Brian hurt his back while working. He was in pain and could barely walk. I knew that my first responsibility was to take care of him and be here for him. At one point I thought I would just cancel my trip and stay home but he kept telling me he would be ok and for me to continue with my plans but in the back of my mind I still questioned whether I should go or not. EVEN THOUGH…GODS SAYS..I AM…He was Brian’s healer and I needed to trust HIM in that. Wednesday, here came another distraction. Carston was at school and fell out of a chair and hit the floor head first. He had a significant bruise and imprint from the toy he hit. Again, I was faced to decide whether I go to the conference or not. I watched him Wednesday night into the early part of Thursday and since he seemed to be fine, I went on with my plans. EVEN THOUGH..GODS SAYS..I AM..This injury could have been more severe than it was and I had to trust that God was Carston’s protector..I needed to trust HIM that he would be ok. Thursday, Conference Day! The day had finally came and after several hours of trying to leave for the conference at 1:30pm I was able to hit the road. My spirit was so excited and I could not wait to get to the conference. The traffic was light, The sun was out, and I was energized. I messaged the girls that were attending with me and encouraged them that every distraction that they had faced the week leading up to the conference was cancelled. That this day was the day of the turnaround. Little did I know that my world was fixing to be rocked in a not so good way. Thursday night at 10pm Carston became very ill. He was projectile vomiting and I could not get him consoled. Here I found myself in Chattanooga with a sick baby. No Brian, No CHOA, no ER close by that I could trust to get him to. At this very critical moment all I had in me to rely on was God and my faith in him. Carston was getting worse and neither one of us could sleep. As I sat on the toilet in the bathroom crying and holding my baby I cried out to God to help us. In that moment I felt him ever so close. He said Laura right now EVEN THOUGH..I AM… I am your comforter, I am your peace, I am your God. There was something that came over me that pushed me into warrior mode. Friday morning arrived and I made the decision that I had to trust God and get Carston back to Atlanta. I had to trust the I AM. I came back to Georgia and Carston was admitted and had emergency surgery. He is doing well and thriving as he always does. God showed He was the I AM even though the situation looked hopeless to me. Upon returning home I began to seek God more and question whether my fast was complete He answered and I felt the prompting that it was not. There was still work to be done. I continued and little did I know that I was once again going to be faced with a decision that I would need clarity of mind on. For 2 weeks, I have been interviewing for a position that I was not qualified for. It was a position that was close to home, would be perfect hours, and the pay was very promising. I was asking God that if this was where he was placing me then to make it happen. I had other positions that I had interviewed for and they were immediate closed doors. This one just kept going. Finally, I received a verbal offer and was scheduled to start on Monday. Little did I know what was coming. I was once again going to be faced with trusting God that EVEN THOUGH…I AM. Thursday evening I received the official offer letter. Reading the fine print everything was exactly what I need I was so excited then here came the bold print…CONDITIONS OF EMPLOYMENT: WITHOUT PROOF OF VACCINATION THIS JOB OFFER WILL BE WITHDRAWN. Immediately I broke into tears. I know that not everyone will agree with me on the decision not to vaccinate and you are entitled to your own opinion. However I knew that this was something that Brian and I had made a personal/spiritual decision for our household together and there was no room for negotiation. I never imagined that our decision would affect a job opportunity. Never once did I think that my freedom to decide what was best for my family would ever be challenged to this level and because I exercised that freedom have something taken away from me. Almost appears as blackmail/manipulation. If you don’t do this you won’t have that. At first, I was angry, frustrated, mad, etc then once again here came that soft comforting voice, Laura EVEN THOUGH this opportunity did not work out the way you thought, I AM..I am your Jireh! I am your provider! In closing, I know this is lengthy but I share all of these experiences to hopefully remind someone today reading this that today in the midst of so much uncertainty you can trust that EVEN THOUGH..GOD IS…I AM. EVEN THOUGH the job that you thought was the perfect opportunity falls through.. THE I AM is all you need. EVEN THOUGH the doctors give a report that is not what you thought..THE I AM IS ALL YOU NEED…. EVEN THOUGH may always look hopeless and void but that is when THE I AM will still be all you need. If you find yourself in the midst of an EVEN THOUGH moment today, can I challenge you to start a fast for yourself. I can testify that had I not been fasting these past 21 days I don’t know that I would have been able to handle the events with the grit and tenacity that I have. I am thankful for the intimate times that I have been able to spend with my heavenly father and the things that HE has done for me. I have felt HIS presence so strongly and the more I seek Him the More I am finding Him to be ever more faithful to me. Much Love, Laura
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AuthorMy Name is Laura Perdue. I am 44 years old and married to my best friend, Brian Perdue and mommy to Carston Perdue. Brian and I reside in Woodstock Ga and serve on the action team of Fivestones Church in Holly Springs. Archives
July 2022
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